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This message Lair Legion Chronicles
Summer Special #1 was posted by Nats
says this one sets up this mini-saga which hopefully won't run on too long that
features a cast of dozens, including the first appearance of CyberVenom and Main
Man, as well as a small history and geography lesson of
Parodiopolis on Monday, July 22, 2002 at 19:00.
LAIR LEGION CHRONICLES
SUMMER SPECIAL #1
By Bill Reed
Parodiopolis, My Parodiopolis
The building was a bit old, having been built in the earlier part
of the twentieth century, but its brickwork had held, and it still provided a
home for many people looking for a decent place to live, as it was on the
outskirts of Shelton, the more suburbian and residential area of Parodiopolis.
The cost of rent was considerably cheap in relation to the bigger or ritzier
hotels and motels located throughout Parodiopolis, which was what drew people to
make it their home.
The owner, Stella Dougle, had taken over running the
boarding house ever since her husband Douglas died twenty years before. She
maintained the family atmosphere of the building, by cooking and joining in
meals with some of the boarders, socializing with them often, and helping them
out if they needed it. On the ground floor of the building, she kept the
kitchen, dining room, broom closets, and laundry room. On the second floor was
the temporary guests, those just staying for a few days or weeks. On the third
floor stayed the more permanent guests, and finally, there was the loft, in
which she herself lived. Some of the residents had lived there for upwards of
thirty years, and were around her age. Others were younger, and enjoyed the
atmosphere of the house, with all its memories contained therein. The name of
the place was simply "The Dougle Boarding Home," and had been such ever since
she and her husband had bought it in the early sixties. Stella was in her
seventies and still in good shape, constantly trekking up the many flights of
stairs and going for long walks every morning. She enjoyed laughing, and if you
had a joke, she wanted to hear it.
One of the current permanent boarders was
a young man named Kyle Runner. He mostly kept to himself and always carried
around a cel phone and beeper. He didn't furnish his room much, having a simple
bed, table, small refridgerator, and a lamp or two. His window faced the alley
next to the building, and Stella would sometimes hear him in his room, and open
the door to talk to him, yet wouldn't find him there. She also noticed that he
seemed to be collecting swords, and that there was an awful lot of fog in his
room sometimes, and wondered constantly if something was wrong with the air
conditioner because of it.
Unbeknownst to old Stella Dougle, Kyle Runner was
also the Saint, a super-powered agent of a mysterious organization, answering to
the equally mysterious man known as Maverick. Saint had the ability to transform
himself into mist or fog, and also carried around two swords. He escaped into
the alley when he received a call or e-mail on his laptop about a current
mission of his he had to embark upon. He wore a white suit with tan slashes on
it, which was equipped with some state-of-the-art technology, including
night-vision and infra-red vision, and numerous gadgets like flash bombs or
exploding throwing stars. He fought on the side of good, and vowed to protect
the denizens of the city. Even when not on an assignment, he routinely patrolled
his area of the city by night, leaping across rooftops and darting among alleys.
He was embroiled in taking down a zombie crime ring, and had been for some time.
Currently, Kyle Runner was sleeping. But not for long.
His cel phone
rang suddenly, and he slowly woke up and answered it.
"Hello?"
"Saint.
You've got a new assignment."
"Can't it wait until morning?"
"No," the
man known as Maverick said from the other line. "This is important."
Kyle
got up and went over to his closet. He opened it, bent down, and took out a
large green trunk. He unlocked that, and then lifted out his Saint costume.
"Okay," Kyle spoke. "Tell me what I have to do."
***
The Parodiopolis Times was the city's oldest
newspaper, having been founded in 1890. There were a few local papers before
that, such as the Paradopolis Clarion and the Parody Press Gazette, but none
could last as long as the Times. Its current publisher was a man by the name of
Stern Franklin, and it's editor-in-chief was Perry Black. The paper was known
for it's more straightforward simple journalism, rather than it's competition
the Daily Trombone's bombastic sensationalism and wild editorials.
The
building itself was constructed in 1921, after it was moved from its previous
location in what is now Mangatown. The building, which has had constant
additions and remodeling since it was first built, is made of more stone and
metal than glass. Smaller businesses are located within the lower floors, but
the top fifteen floors are devoted entirely to the paper. The factory which
serves as the main printing house can be found in Mosman Park, right near the
outskirts of Mangatown, and by the wharves. However, the Sunday paper is printed
in the basement levels of the Times building.
The structure is quite tall,
as one could see all the way to the now-destroyed area that once used to be
Off-Central Park, as well as the now rundown Variety Theater, and the still
thriving Lair Mansion, if one happened to be standing on the roof. Currently,
someone was.
The man in the navy coat lit his cigarette, and took a long
drag on it. He remained on the rooftop of the building, and peered around into
the darkness which surrounded him and enveloped the city.
"You rang, Agent
Travis?" a voice came from behind him.
"Glad to see you made it all the way
up here," Travis said without turning around. He dropped his cigarette off the
ledge of the building.
"Heights were never really a problem for me before,"
the man in the trenchcoat and black uniform stated. "Not when you can leap
twenty feet into the air and forty across. Made it from the Daily Trombone's
roof."
Travis turned around. "What did I tell you about the trenchcoat,
Post?"
"I know you wanted me to ditch it," the man once known as Messenger
said. "But I like my coat. And it is a bit chilly."
"Right. Anyway, you got
a job. Local one, too."
"Always is good to visit the hometown," Messenger
told him. "So what's the scoop?"
"Scoop is, there's an assassin that just
checked into Parodiopolis, that we don't know too much on. All we know is that
he's never failed at a previous job, and that he goes by the name CyberVenom."
"CyberVenom, huh? Ehh, I've heard better names. Why is SPUD so involved in
this case? I mean, a known assassin is important, but it doesn't seem like a
case you'd put me on."
"Well, he's a superhuman from what we've gathered,
and so are you. SPUD figures you'll be useful in tracking him down."
"Do you
know who he's after?"
"We think it's Drury."
Messenger paused for a
moment. "Drury? Dan Drury? As in, head of SPUD?"
"That's right. We're
keeping him in the helicarrier right now, with full protection. But we want to
see if we can take this guy down early."
Messenger nodded. "Okay...so
where'd you get this info?"
Travis took out another cigarette. "SPUD has
some confidential sources. They say CyberVenom will strike within the week." He
lit it.
"So do you have a picture of the guy? Do you know where he is?"
The agent puffed. "No pictures. He's never been seen. He's noted for killing
his target and then slipping into the crowd, or disappearing. We can't find him.
And all we know is that he's in Parodiopolis...but we're guessing he might be
lying low in a cheap rent place, maybe in Hell's Bathroom, we're not sure.
You're supposed to find him and take him out. Report every twelve hours."
"Mmkay. I think I might know where to start, then."
"Good. And good
luck." Travis took another long drag on his cigarette. "Be seeing you."
"InDEED," Messenger nodded, and then leaped away.
***
The Parodiopolis Plaza was one of the first stops of
tourists, mainly because it was an interesting site. Not only did it contain the
Twin Parody Tower, which there is only one of, ever since the incident with
Peter von Doom, spiffy, and the League of Regulars' first outing, but it also
featured a quaint shopping area, with small stores and shops circling the area
at the base of the tower.
One of the most famous spots in the plaza was the
Bean & Donut Coffee Bar, founded in 1989, and currently run by a Mr.
Papadopolous. Its most famous waitress was a one Sarah Shepherdson, who was
always there to greet the customers with a smile and a cup of coffee. The bar
was often visited by super-heroes, both in and out of their secret identities.
It was also visited by Ronald Reagan, Harrison Ford, and the Pope at seperate
occassions. All of them flirted with Sarah.
Currently, Sarah was in her
apartment above the Bean & Donut, leisurely taking a warm bubble bath. She
had a romance novel in her hand, and read on past chapter twelve.
"Oh,
Alice, why don't you notice the affections of Donald? He's obviously madly in
love with you," she said out loud. "I mean, you're both on the ranch, and your
similar love of horses will only bring you closer together. But what if Timothy,
the son of the nearby farmer, gets jealous? It could lead to disaster!" She
placed the bookmark in the book and then stepped out of the tub to wrap a towel
around herself.
She paused, and stopped to look out the window. She was
amazed at the fact that the city never slept, that there could be so much
traffic at the current time of night.
That's when something flitted past the
window. Something humanoid, clad in white with two gleaming swords.
Sarah
smiled, gladdened at something to do, and then got out her Dancer outfit.
***
Mangatown was the major Japanese area of the city,
situated between Carrington and downtown Parodiopolis. It was first known as
Little Nippon, until the great Japanese influx of 1938 caused the name to change
to Japan Town. The Second World War turned Mangatown into a hated and
near-barren place, and no more Japanese came until the sixties, in which the
place got so big and comic books became a major phenomenon that it became known
as Mangatown.
Mangatown not only housed the homes of many Japanese citizens,
but it served as a cultural magnet for all of Parodiopolis, as other small
cultural towns like Medium-Sized Italy, Tiny Greece, and Chinatown surround it.
In Mangatown, there was a large skyscraper owned by the Masamune Corporation,
which was the headquarters for a large munitions and appliance-making company,
second only to Bautista Enterprises. The owner of said company, Akiko Masamune,
was also reported to have dealings with the major crime familes of the world.
She currently headed the Parodiopolis sector of the Yakuza.
Mangatown is the
entertainment district of Parodiopolis. The root word is Manga, meaning comic
book in Japan, so the town housed several small-press and medium-sized comic
companies, most of which Andrew Dean wrote for. This section of the city also
featured a TV and movie studio lot, as well as a large number of movie theaters,
and constant parades and block parties.
It also had Uncle Saki's Family
Dojo, in which a man named Saki continues to teach his many students the art of
ninja. Saki was also an old friend of a mysterious living legend around
Mangatown. The legend was of a masked crusader who keeps justice in the area.
That was the legend of the Green Ninja.
Currently, Saki meditated in his
apartment above the dojo. He burned several incenses around him, creating a
specific atmosphere which enhanced his meditation. He couldn't hear, but he felt
an extra prescence in the room.
"Saki," the voice rasped.
"Ahh, my
friend, I did not hear you come in," the old wise ninja smiled. "Will you join
me?"
The Green Ninja sat down cross-legged in front of him. "I need
information, Saki."
"Any time you need information, old friend, I will do my
best to give it," Saki told him.
"There have been robberies all over
Mangatown, and even some outside of it. A team of skilled acrobats dressed in
black, and carrying swords. They slip in, take the money or jewels or artifacts
or whatever they wish, and then leave. They are never seen or heard, only found
out by the security cameras. What I need to know is if you know anything about
them."
"I am afraid I cannot help you, my friend. I have only read about the
robberies in the paper."
"Are you sure you know nothing?" the Green Ninja
questioned.
Saki opened his eyes again. "I know nothing of these burglars.
What makes you think I would?"
"Don't play games with me, Saki," the ninja
dressed in green said. "I know you were a skilled thief in your younger days,
and that you used to train ninja thieves over in Japan, before you came to the
States. Did you train these thieves?"
"No, my friend. As I told you, I gave
back all I stole and have since gone legitimate. I have always respected you,
and I have always thought we trusted one another. Do you not trust me, Green
Ninja?"
"I thought I did, old friend. Sadly, the three men behind me tell me
otherwise."
"How did you---" Saki began in shock.
The Green Ninja
perfomed a backflip from his position on the floor, twirled through the air, and
landed behind his three opponents dressed in black ninja garb. They readied
their swords against him. He readied his.
The ninjas attacked him all at
once. He defended himself against their blade attacks, and slightly cut their
wrists, knocking their swords from their hands. Then they attacked him
hand-to-hand.
The Ninja buried his sword in the floor, leaped into the air,
and took a ninja down with one kick to the head. Another attacked him with a
swift chop, but the ninja blocked it, and then knocked his opponent out with one
solid punch. The final assailant kicked at him, but the Green Ninja caught the
foot, twisted it, and then delivered two powerful fingers to the neck, taking
out his foe. The man dressed in green then turned to Saki.
"I have rendered
your men unconscious, Saki," he said, sheathing his blade. "These were only
three of them. I know now you will not tell me the location of the others, nor
even how many there truly are. I do expect you to call the police and turn
yourself in. If you do not, I will return."
Saki stood up, shocked at how
fast and easily the Green Ninja defeated his trained ninjas.
"Goodbye, 'old
friend,'" the ninja said, and disappeared in the blink of an eye.
***
The Willow Nightclub was located near the Englehart
Bridge, along the waterfront area of the luxurious Pierce Heights section of
Parodiopolis. It provided the best party atmosphere and dancing anywhere within
the city. It was open from seven at night until seven in the morning, achieving
the entire night as the perfect time to be there. The throbbing music
reverberated throughout the entire building, as the multi-colored lights swept
across the dance floor.
The club had been around since 1880 in some form or
another. At first it was a dining hall for the local dignitaries, but it later
developed into more of a dancing hall, ballroom, and at one point, a catering
service took up shop there. However, back in the 70's it once again became a
club, but this time it was a nightclub, and all of Parodiopolis's youth came
nightly to it.
Unbeknownst to everyone in the city, the club's owner, Lady
Camellia, was a dark faerie devoted to dark magicks, who had been in charge of
the place secretly since its opening. She once saw fit to kidnap the Lair Legion
for her own sinister purposes, but was defeated by a substitute team.** The LL
never managed to figure out that the club was her base of operations 24/7.
[**LLC #6, in which Donar led a team comprised of Dancer, Xander, Manga
Shoggoth, Saint, and Troia215.]
Currently, Jay Boaz and Whitney Darkness,
the two young lovers also known as the Lair Legionnaires Hatman and Sorceress,
were enjoying themselves dancing to the techno music currently blasting
throughout the large room. As the strobe light flickered overhead, Whitney
brushed her cheek against her boyfriend's.
"Have you seen Kirk around
anywhere?" she asked him, speaking of CrazySugarFreakBoy!, their LL teammate.
"No," he replied. "I hope whoever he found is legal."
Whitney giggled in
reply and continued dancing to the music.
"Penny appears to be enjoying
herself though," Jay observed.
Penny Christopolous, also known as the cosmic
immortal named Pegasus, and current guest of the Lair Legion, was surrounded by
several men and kept dancing. She acted a bit regal, as she considered herself
very sophisticated and dignified, as well as madly sexy.
Kirk Boxleitner,
aka CrazySugarFreakBoy!, was sitting at the bar sipping at a beer. He had left
his silly-suit of Impossibilityium at home, and so remained as a normal college
student that had taken a break from his life in Seattle to rejoin his friends
and teammates. Occasionally he'd hit on a girl walking by the bar, but mostly
remained as a fixture on a stool, drinking the night away.
Nearby in a
basement complex, however, Lady Camellia did business with guest of a more
unusual nature.
"I do hope you come again soon, my dear Mahssus, but
unfortunately, I'm afraid I cannot help you with your pollution problem,"
Camellia smiled.
The she-troll Mahssus slammed her fist down onto the table.
"My water's filled with petroleum and grime, and the passersby do not even pay
tribute to me anymore. My cavern beneath the bridge remains a horrible place. I
should rule over these mortals, and your magicks could help me---"
Lady
Camellia reclined on a leather sofa. She wore jewelry of all kinds, and a dark
leather dress completed her ensemble. "Sadly, my friend, you know we have to
keep a low profile. Don't want the Lair Legion banging on our doors, do we? We
learned our lesson last time."
"Feh! I have no need of this nonsense,"
Mahssus growled. "I will be back another day. Until then, I bid you farewell,
Camellia."
"Adieu, Mahssus, adieu," the dark faerie waved as Mahssus stormed
out.
Soon after, another guest entered the excellently furnished room,
carrying a briefcase. This guest was like a three-dimensional shadow clad in a
black suit, shirt, and tie. An onlooker could distinguish the rustled hair and
strong build of the man, but that was all.
"Ahh, welcome to my abode," said
Camellia.
"Greetings, Lady Camellia," the dark figure nodded. "I have come
to impart some information upon you."
"Surely, darling," the magic vixen
smiled. "What have you to tell me?"
"I only wish to inform you that the
ninja clan is doing nicely, and I hope you appreciate the jewels and artifacts
we have presented you with. Of course, we took the liberty to appropriate some
money from your bank account, but just our usual fee," the living shadow stated.
"Of course. But the remaining item?"
"Ahh, yes. We have currently sent a
group of ninja to the designated area to get the final item you wished for your
collection."
"Thank you," Camellia grinned. "You may take your leave now."
The shadow bowed, and then headed for the exit.
***
The Cathedral of the Saints in upper Parodiopolis
was designed by architect Leyland Reed in 1864, and construction was completed
in 1869. The large church had a great dome for it's roof, and perched on top of
the dome used to be a stone statue of Jesus Christ. However, the statue became
severely dilapidated over time, and the church later had to sell that area for
ad space, which is why a statue of Colonel Sanders resided there.
Surrounding the base of the dome were numerous gargoyles, which seemed quite
ghastly for a house of God, but was just how Wilbur Parody was reported to have
wanted it. A large cross was placed above the entrance, where massive stone
columns greeted visitors.
The building had been visited by churchgoers for
over hundreds of years, but had been closed recently because of the destruction
of Off-Central Park. The church now seemed like a mausoleum, which seemed oddly
fitting this night. Currently, there was a corpse standing amidst the gargoyles
and stained glass. Oddly, he was quite spry for a dead man. Or a Dead Boy.
The man known as Dead Boy perched himself on a gargoyle and looked at the
now-ruined Off-Central Park. Police and rescue teams were still searching for
the bodies of some SPUD operatives that were lost in the explosion.
In fact,
Dead Boy never even saw the man clad in white coming.
The figure propelled
himself into Dead Boy, with two feet colliding into the living corpse's chest
and sending them both through the stained glass window of the virgin Mary. As
they fell past the balcony and towards the floor below, Dead Boy managed to flip
his opponent over in mid-air so that he wouldn't take the brunt of the fall.
Unfortunately, he didn't take into account his foe's ability to turn into mist
at any given moment.
Saint allowed himself to be flipped over in mid-air,
just to evaporate into mist at the last second, causing Dead Boy to slam
face-first into the center aisle. The man clad in white reformed in front of his
fallen opponent.
"Unnh..." Dead Boy grunted as he picked himself up. "Who
are you? What are you?" He took his pistol out of his hip holster and aimed it
at Saint.
Saint hurled a throwing star at the gun, knocking it out of the
corpse's hand with a small explosion. Startling Dead Boy with that move, Saint
raced forward, both swords drawn.
"Don't worry, zombie, it'll only hurt a
bit," he snarled.
"Zombie?" Dead Boy repeated, backflipping out of range of
Saint's sword-slashes.
"Don't try to deny it. I've scanned your molecular
structure with one of my devices when I saw you standing on the cathedral.
You're composed of dead skin cells."
"Maybe so," the corpse said, catching a
blade between his hands, "but I don't think I'm a ---" Then he had to roll
backwards to avoid getting decapitated.
Saint thrusted the sword down at
Dead Boy's head, but the pale man dodged at the last second and kicked his
opponent back. Then Dead Boy pulled the sword out of the floor and swung at
Saint.
Saint blocked it with his own sword and then kicked out at Dead Boy,
who avoided it and then went for the head. Saint blocked and then quickly
blocked again from another attack, but quick sweeped the "zombie's" legs out
from under him. Dead Boy once again rolled out of the way from an attack, and
grabbed a capsule from Saint's belt.
"Wait, don't--!" Saint yelled, but it
was too late. His opponent through the capsule at him, creating a bright flash
which blinded him by scrambling his night vision lenses. He managed to turn the
night vision off, but by the time he was down to seeing spots, Dead Boy had
already knocked the sword out of his hand and pinned him to the floor.
"Now
tell me why you're trying to cleave my head off my shoulders," Dead Boy
demanded.
"I'm a good guy, dammit!" the zombie hunter spat. "I'm on a case,
and I have to take down zombie criminals like you!"
"I'm not a criminal,"
replied the corpse. "I'm no criminal. I'm a 'good guy' too, and I'm also on a
case. I'm trying to investigate something called the Shadow Cabinet. My name's
Dead Boy."
"I'm Saint. I'm looking for Messenger. He was confirmed dead, but
rumored to be back, and I was sent to find him."
"It appears we have a
misunderstanding, then," Dead Boy said, letting Saint get up.
"The classic
misunderstanding between heroes, huh?" observed Dancer, who had just entered the
cathedral. "Hi, I'm Dancer. I followed Saint here. And what are you supposed to
do to Messenger?"
"The Lair Legionnaire?" Dead Boy asked.
"The friend of
the Lair Legion," Sarah responded. "I'm just probationary. Now, mister, what are
you going to do to Messy?"
"I'm supposed to capture him," Saint said. "Or,
if he's a zombie, to kill him."
"Messy's a friend of mine," Dancer lectured,
"and if you think I'm gonna let you chop him to pieces you're mistaken. He's on
the side of good whether you realize it or not, and---"
"I believe we're all
on the side of good," the Green Ninja stated, dropping down unheard from the
balcony. "Sadly, those ninjas behind you aren't."
The ninjas dressed in
black attacked.
***
The Fatal Toilet was a pub located in Hell's
Bathroom, right next to Seedytown, which occupied the dock areas. The building
used to be a pet shop until all the animals escaped and ran away, putting the
place out of business. The Toilet was founded in 1995. It's proprietor hasn't
been seen in months.
Currently, the sometimes-superhero dull thud and
his telepathic tapeworm Cressida were enjoying a nice midnight drink in one of
thud's favorite spots. Joining them were the mutant outlaw Josh Clement,
aka De Brown Streak; Joe Pepper, aka ManMan, and his sentient knife Knifey; and
the sometimes-hero-sometimes-villain-depending-on-your-price Chronic and his
satanic guitar Steve.
"Leave me, will she?" Chronic muttered. "I'll show
her."
"He's been saying that for the past two hours," DBS noted. "I'm
beginning to worry."
"Ahh, he'll be fine," dull thud told him. "As
long as he's not playing something horrible on that guitar, we're okay. Give me
Flint Michigan and the Rusty Mandibles any day. Now *they* know music."
~~Only if your idea of music is loud noises and slurred speech,~~ Cressida
said telepathically.
"Quiet, Cressida," thud grumbled. Josh looked at
him oddly.
"Oh, he's just talking to his tapeworm," Knifey stated. "I mean,
if you can believe in talking silverware and guitars from hell, then a
telepathic tapeworm is really nothing special."
"You're just angry because
she dumped you," said ManMan.
"What, now you're making with the quick quips
and comments? That's my job!" the knife reprimanded.
"Geez, forget I spoke."
"Yeah, about you and the knife dating, I've been meaning to ask you,
Cressy," thud brought up. "How?"
~~Oh, it's a long story, and you'd
just forget about it in your hangover by morning,~~ the tapeworm answered.
"Forget it then," dull thud mumbled, and went back to his scotch.
By then someone else had entered the bar and sat down on a stool.
"What'll it be?" the bartender asked.
"Beer," the man said. "Cold."
"Hey!" a booming voice called. "That's mah stool!"
"I don't think so,"
the man told him. "If this was your stool, I figure it'd be a lot more brown and
squishy. Maybe you should check in the bathroom."
"Wise guy, huh? I'll teach
you a thing or two..." He swung his fist.
The man caught it. He squeezed.
"Ow! That hurts!" the large heavy man screamed.
The much smaller and
slightly built man pushed him clear across the room and onto a pool table.
"What's happening?" Knifey asked.
"Ahh, some guy just pushed Big
Shirtless Ron across the room and onto the pool table," ManMan replied.
"They have a POOL table here?" dull thud gasped.
"I'll show her,"
grumbled Chronic.
"Doesn't anyone think that's a little odd?" De Brown
Streak asked.
"No, he's usually that surly," thud said.
"Not
Chronic. I mean the little guy throwing the big guy across the room like that."
"I've seen weirder," ManMan told him. "Big fiery skull guys, other
dimensions, Yo switching genders. Then there was that time I had to marry a
demon, and..."
"Was that before or after you had to wear the dress?"
thuddy questioned.
"Oh, shut up," Joe Pepper grunted.
"Ahh,
you're the pinnacle of wit now, aren't you?" Knifey quipped.
ManMan just
went back to his drink.
The man had grabbed Big Shirtless Ron by the chest
hair and prepared to punch him.
"Hey!" DBS shouted, laying his hand on the
man's shoulder. "Stop fighting, you don't have to---"
"Don't tell me what to
do, pal," the man snarled. His sleeve morphed into a moving black substance,
which produced a sharp tendril. He held it to the mutant's neck. "Now back off."
With that, he pushed DBS away and walked out the door.
"I think we
should follow that guy," Josh told the others.
"That might be a good idea,"
Knifey advised. They all got up and left.
"Hey!" the bartender called
futiley. "Aren't you gonna pay for your drinks?"
***
"Well, that seemed easy," Saint noticed, sheathing
his twin swords.
"You *did* have the Probability Dancer on your side,"
Dancer reminded him.
"Yeah, I kinda wondered why the light fixtures above us
fell down on them," said Dead Boy.
"Have we met?" Saint asked the Green
Ninja.
"Possibly," came the reply.
Dead Boy held an unconscious ninja by
his clothing. "This is odd."
"What?" Dancer asked.
"It's like he has no
features at all," the corpse explained. "A living shadow." He found the ninja's
belt under his garb and removed it. The shadowy features of the ninja faded away
to that of a normal young Japanese man.
"Strange indeed," the Green Ninja
stated.
"Hmm. This seems like it can turn the guy into a shadow or
something," Dead Boy noted.
"Is anyone else thinking the Shadow Cabinet is
behind these guys?" Dancer asked.
"Maybe," Saint said. "But we know so
little about them."
"Yeah, but I know a guy that's good with gadgets," the
Probability Dancer told them. "His name's Al B. Harper. He lives in the woods
outside GMY."
"Then we should probably go there," Dead Boy declared. "Maybe
we can figure out what makes this thing here tick."
"Right..." Saint nodded.
"But there's just one problem. Did anyone bring a car here?"
***
The dark figure leaped from rooftop to rooftop with
immense ease. He traversed Hell's Bathroom and made it to Seedytown, where he
fired a dark line of something from his fist and swung from the buildings on it.
He was covered in a dark costume of some kind, that responded to his
thoughts and could shapeshift into normal everyday clothes if that's what he
wanted.
Currently, however, as he landed on the roof of a certain building,
he just wanted to go back to being normal Randy Potts, temporary guest at the
Dougle Boarding Home.
***
Somewhere in Hell's Bathroom, there was a store,
hidden in an alley which was sometimes there, and sometimes not. This was
Xander's Clock-Repair and Plumbing Service, which was run by the proprietor
Xander, who was the current Sorceror Supreme by default. Sometimes his store
appeared to be a Mystic Arts and Pottery Shop, but usually it wasn't. No one was
exactly sure how long the building had been around, let alone where it was. One
could only find the place if one specifically needed Xander's help, and
currently, someone did.
As the door opened, it triggered a lever which
tapped a small metal ball which rolled down a chute until it hit a small diving
board which sent a tiny plastic man through the air into a small bowl which
caused a small plastic cage to fall down onto a chicken's head, waking it up and
causing it to squawk.
"Moustrap," Xander said, turning on the lights.
"Hello, Messenger, I've been expecting you."
"I wasn't even sure if you'd be
here this time of night," the postman told him, "But I need your help. You seem
to know what's going on in the city at nearly all times, and I need to know
everything you can tell me about someone named CyberVenom."
"CyberVenom,
CyberVenom," the sorceror that never actually used any magic repeated. "Hmm.
Yes, I do believe so. Horrible thing that happened in that helicarrier. Wait,
that didn't happen yet, did it? I get that mixed up sometimes. Yes, I know this
man. I sold him a jetpack earlier today."
"A jetpack? Xander, WHY? He's
going to use that to get to the SPUD helicarrier to kill Drury!" Messenger
screamed. "He's an assassin! How could you...?"
"Oh, I know all that. But
you need to know something. He's staying at the Dougle Boarding Home in Shelton.
That's not all, though. You see, it doesn't matter if he gets to the
helicarrier. What matters is what happens to his brother."
Messenger's jaw
dropped. "He has a brother? Where?"
***
A living shadow carrying a briefcase walked into a
large white room, and sat down at a large white table. Another living shadow sat
at the opposite end of said table.
"Ahh, Jekyll, how nice of you to join
me," the shadow already there said.
"Hello, Hyde. How is the business in
Arachknight City going?"
"Excellently," Hyde replied. "How about your
business in Badripoor and Immin?"
"The business is going very smoothly and
according to plan," Jekyll answered. "I hear the goings-on on Monstrous Island
will end up spectacular."
"Yes, I had heard about those as well."
"I do
believe the current business in Parodiopolis is going to plan," Jekyll said.
"Indeed," Hyde responded. "The dangerous variables in our operations will
soon be wiped out."
"Yes," Jekyll nodded. "But what if the Lair Legion
interferes?"
"Don't worry about them," Hyde said. "They'll be taken care of
shortly."
"Yes. And with them gone, the Shadow Cabinet will finally own this
city entirely," Jekyll declared.
To be continued...
Next
issue: All the stuff that couldn't fit in this one appears in the next
one. Crisis on the SPUD helicarrier! An unexpected guest at the Lair Mansion!
Plus: Al B. Harper, spiffy, Visionary, Amazing Guy, and the Lair Legion! More on
the enigmatic Shadow Cabinet. And we learn more about CyberVenom, as well as his
brother. So read that, when it comes out.
Nats
Note: I'll also be going on vacation
starting tomorrow, and lasting until Friday, so don't be alarmed when I'm not
constantly posting. Canada, here I come.
This poster posed from 204.186.166.129 when they
posted
Message Thread
- Lair Legion Chronicles Summer Special #1 -
Nats says this one sets up this mini-saga which
hopefully won't run on too long that features a cast of dozens, including the
first appearance of CyberVenom and Main Man, as well as a small history and
geography lesson of Parodiopolis - 19:00 on July 22, 2002
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